Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
