my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
