And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
