Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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