sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
