New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
