I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
