You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have tasted many bathrooms
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