I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
