So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
