Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
