Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
