I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
