Jerry, you need to find god
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
