Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
