; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
