i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Terrible idea I love it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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