I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
