Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
