I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
