im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
