I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
