I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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