We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
