You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like abortions should bother me more
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
