the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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