whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
