I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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