It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
