in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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