I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
