How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
