we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
