Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
