He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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