Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
