yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
