She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My ATM looks so different sober.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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