Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
