And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was like giving head to a cactus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
