I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
