you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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