I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
