Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
