She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
