easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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