My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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