he looks like a really good dad on facebook
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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