So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
