Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
